It IS my choice…

Each and every day I have several choices. The biggest one for me right now is the choice to be happy or to be miserable. My friends, family and myself all want me to be happy loving life. Ed wants me to be in a horrible place. He wants me to be alone, hating life and every part of it. Today I am going to take that challenge, that choice, to either give in to ed, or be happy- and make it not a choice but an opportunity. Recovering from anorexia is a difficult process, but I really need to start focusing on what makes me happy. I need to stop and say to myself, ” What would truly make me happy?” Then do whatever that may be. I have trouble doing things that I enjoy, because I feel like I do not deserve it, but chances are I do- Ed just doesn’t want me to believe it. Each day, I want to go to bed at night, knowing that I truly lived a happy day in the world that we are never sure when it is our last. I will strive to do something everyday that makes me happy. It may be taking a walk, or doing some sort of art project, or just taking a nap- and it may take a while for me to realize that I do deserve it. But this is just a part of the big picture- Just a part of becoming who I use to be…

-Kenz

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