Closet demons…

When I go out of the house, I am always complimented on how I look. “You always look so cute!” “Always look so put together!” “Is there anything that you can’t wear?” These are some of the comments that I hear everyday. I may look cute on the outside, but on the inside I feel the complete opposite. Nobody knows it takes me over an hour somedays in my closet, trying things on deciding that they are not good enough, throwing them in a pile, and moving on to the next thing. Ed will never let me feel half way decent about what I look like or what I wear. It won’t ever be good enough for him. Along with this repetition of clothes being tried on, tears are always included. I don’t think there has been a day when I look in the mirror, and don’t wish for things to be different. That is on days I am strong enough to look in the mirror. The days that I do look in the mirror and hate what I see, but still continue to eat what I am suppose to- these are the days when I believe that I am the strongest. All the voices in my head are telling me not to, but I shallow them out and do what I know I need to do. Victories today or tomorrow may be small, but in whole I am moving towards my ultimate goal- happiness…

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