Things they don’t tell you about recovery…

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First off I wanted to just give an update about how things were going then proceed with my topic. I can say now more than ever I am recovered or well on that road. Being in recovery and helping others in recovery really helps me finding sense in how ridiculous Ed can be. I know that it can really hinder some people’s progress but in my case it really helps. So if your ever stuck or need some advice- just ask! That’s why I’m here ☺️ okay so today’s topic is what they don’t tell you about Ed recovery before entering. When I first started recovery I had absolutely no idea what to expect or believe. I wish someone had sat me down and explained things to me. So if your in recovery or thinking about hopping aboard that train- it’s a one way ticket and totally worth the price.

THINGS THEY WONT TELL YOU ABOUT RECOVERY:

1- you may be very confused- you may think that treatment isn’t necessary. Feeling as if you are not sick is a VERY common feeling. Thoughts of- I’m not thin enough, or I eat, or I don’t binge, or I look fine- all may enter your mind. This is normal. Feeling confused is normal- it may take you a while to realize that help is what you need because you are worth it.

2- simple little sentences may trigger you or make you feel bad. When in recovery not only your body may change but your mind as well. For me my body changed a lot- and during the time of the change I didn’t see my classmates or friends. So one day I was sickly looking and the next time I saw them I looked very very different. People would see me and say things that were meant to be kind words of encouragement but Ed changed them in my mind to say that I looked bad, and recovering made me to big, and things like that. Some of these comments were-
– wow, you look really healthy.
– you look so much different.
– you look great!
– I haven’t seen you in a while.
– your eating a lot of food.
– or nothing at all, just the up and down look.

3- you will constantly be reminded about dieting and weight loss unfortunately. That is the reality of living in this day and age. When did you hear someone celebrate who they were for a person. Someone in public that celebrated how they look? Not very often if not ever. It may be a friend, a parent or just society that’s on a diet or talking about it. Best words of advice- they are them and you are you. You need different things than they do and your body’s are different. You have to do what is best for you right now. Even if that means going while everyone else is loosing.

4- right now food is your medicine- it is so don’t skip it. Think about it, if you were recovering from anything else would you decide to just not take your meds cause you didn’t feel like it?! No- you wouldn’t. Same with food. It is what will make you better- so don’t skip out on the meds.

5- you may have your exercise privileges taken away- many people suffering from eds abuse the right to exercise. To ensure full recovery I believe that that right should be taken away totally to help you reach a happy healthy you.

6- there are many types of treatment, if one doesn’t work for you, don’t give up totally. Many people have to try several different approaches till they find what’s right for them. If plan a doesn’t work think of al the other letters you have- start with plan b and proceed!

7- things won’t always be easy- if someone was honest with me and told me how truly hard this journey was there was no way I would of believed it. Even though it was hard I wouldn’t go back and reverse things. I’ve worked so hard, and this process has really made me who I am today. Where there tears? Yes! How about raising my voice? Yes! Many more than I can count- but each one made me stronger, because I am worth it!

8- relationships statuses may change- it may be with your parent, a significant other or a friend. But chances are things will change. During recovery Me and my mom would fight constantly about food. There were many tears, and verbal disputes both hers and mine alike. My boyfriend would say things I didn’t like and we would get in big fights. And lastly there were some friends that I ended up loosing cause they held me back. All of these relationships changed- but in the end it was for the better. My relationship with my friends and family is stronger than I ever imagined.

9- your mind is telling you lies- the sooner you realize that the better. It may be staring at a plate of food or looking in the mirror Ed lies. He will tell you that’s too much food or it’s not the right food. Well let me tell you something there is no good or bad food. Just fuel and energy that your body needs to get through the day and live a happy life. Secondly looking in the mirror may be hard one second and not the next. It’s so unusual but this does happen. You just have to try and remember what you see isn’t what everyone else sees.

10- your recovery won’t be like everyone else’s- everyone is a different person and we all need and require different things. There is no “right” way to recover but the key is finding your way!

11- it will be an emotional roller coaster- there will be ups and downs guaranteed. You will feel have highs and lows. During the high times think about how amazing life would be if it were like that all the time. And at times of lows you have to remember that that isn’t the end. There is tomorrow, and it will be better.

12- doctors or dietician a will set goal weights for you by looking at charts- but to be honest they don’t know. Not even you know what you should be at. You may know what you want to be at- but only your body truly knows. Have you ever heard about a set point!? It’s where your body is naturally supposed to be at. Your body knows- give it the nutrients it needs and it will get to that point when it is ready.

13- taking care of you is so important- getting to a healthy weight is important yet it’s not the only step in recovery. Your mind also needs to be restored. So do healthy things that you love. Wrote, color, draw, read, get some fresh air. If it makes you feel beautiful and good do it!!!

14- you may want to keep a diary- for me this was huge. It’s a really nice thing to look back on when I’m having a really bad day and just need to see in not failing. It is a great time capsule of my recovery. It shows ups and downs and reminds me that it is possible- I wrote it!

15- you are a priority- this may mean changing your plans. For me that meant leaving a four year institution to return home. It made me feel like a failure but it was what was right for me to stay healthy and happy. I’ve heard of others in recovery dropping school, or finishing a different way, or taking time off a job. Recovery is a priority and it is the top one. So don’t put it off, because there will always be an excuse and it won’t ever be the right time.

16- you may feel recovered but then have anxiety when it comes to a meal- this still happens to me. Sometimes I feel like I’m taking a step back- like I should be past this, I shouldn’t have anxiety around food. Actually the other day this was happening and I texted a good friend. She is in recovery too and she lightly explained this was normal. Your going to have these thoughts for a long time- but it doesn’t mean to give up or that your taking a step back. It simply means Ed found a way to appear in your life and he’s going to try to control you.

17- surround yourself with a good support team- I can not reiterate this enough. You need support, it’s not an easy process and sometimes in times of doubt and insecurity you need people who love you unconditionally.

18- feeling uncomfortable is common. Both physically and mentally. Physically you may be laying in the fetal position after a meal because you are feeling so full you feel like you are a baby whale. Plus your body image may seem off because your body will hold on to that food until it knows that’s not all you’ll ever give it. And mentally you may be uncomfortable. This just means that your doing something right!

19- bodies are funny things- when you’ve been on a restricted diet and you just start to give your body fuel again it will hold on to that food until it knows that’s not the last your going to give it. Many times for a long time my mid section always seemed to be disproportionate. This was only because my body didn’t know what was going on. It thought I was going to restrict again. But I am telling you that once it knows it’s getting a good source of food over an extended period of time it will redistribute that weight. The waiting can be hard- but it will happen.

20- no matter your body type or weight you are beautiful- there is no right weight or body type and the sooner you realize that the better off you are. There are still many days that I have where I just have a hard time accepting myself. I’m not going to lie- it is a process. But stick with it- because you WILL get there.

I hope that wasn’t too bad or boring. Let me know if there is anything I can do. Stay strong lovelies! ️Xxx

– Kenz

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